DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve mulled over this query for years, and have seen each side. However typically, I imagine it sounds bizarre and mildly insulting to discuss with a serving tray as a “silver-plated serving tray” — particularly when it was a present.
This occurred to my mother-in-law, whom I cherished and cherished.
She was widowed at a younger age and labored onerous to have a modest revenue. She managed to have a pleasing, joyful life — it was simply her and her son (my husband). She additionally had wonderful style and all the time labored onerous to offer considerate presents.
Her brother was very prosperous, and after he handed away, my MIL had a tense relationship together with his spouse and youngsters. There was a whole lot of jealousy and resentment. When his daughter obtained married, my MIL didn’t attend the marriage, however despatched a stunning serving tray as a present.
The bride despatched a thank-you card saying, “Thanks for the silver-plated tray.”
Was {that a} veiled insult? My mother-in-law was very harm and offended, and that sealed it. She had nothing extra to do together with her brother’s household.
Once I wrote my thank-you letters for my wedding ceremony presents, I by no means talked about what the presents have been fabricated from. However I nonetheless preserve questioning if it was impolite or not.
GENTLE READER: It will be of no assist, Miss Manners supposes, for her to level out that silver plate will be helpful, even (within the case of early Sheffield items) extra so than sure gadgets of sterling silver.
The excellence that ought to have been made right here is between a mere description, a doable slight and an insult so vicious as to require a household rupture. The good thing about the doubt would have been the only option.
However quite than ponder this, you would have urged your mother-in-law to not react as she did, however to let it go — or, if that was not doable, to ask the niece if she was sad with the current.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I discovered my that my spouse and I have been to be seated individually at a celebration, I’d transfer my place card or go away the celebration together with her.
There are two major duties that married {couples} — and, arguably, relationship {couples} — have that supersede their “obligation” to the host of a gathering: safety of and constancy to their partner, neither of which is served by splitting {couples} up. Events are sometimes not secure in both respect, particularly when alcohol is concerned.
GENTLE READER: It’s not clear whether or not the issue right here is that your acquaintances are harmful, your spouse is untrustworthy, or that every one of you’re apt to drink uncontrolled. Maybe it’s all of those.
Miss Manners can give you solely her sympathy. Common social customs presuppose folks of goodwill, not such excessive and unlucky circumstances.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
