Since 2021, feminine emcee Illest Morena has fought tirelessly for a seat on the desk within the native hip-hop scene.
Again when she first began, she might solely depend the variety of energetic Filipina rappers on one hand. However even when it appeared that the much less competitors there was, the higher, it remained an enormous problem for her and her fellow “femcees” to really get folks to pay attention.
It was Illest’s starvation (and outright audacity) as a newcomer that powered her by means of that — and it was exactly how she lured new listeners into her craft within the first place. There was a fearlessness that got here with placing out each new track, and an intense need to show herself to the general public early on.
“I wasn’t scared once I began. Ibang-iba ang gigil ng isang rookie. Kapag rookie ka (The grit of a rookie is completely completely different. Whenever you’re a rookie), you don’t take into consideration the results of what’s gonna occur. You don’t take into consideration the result. You solely take into consideration the chances of the stuff you wanna do,” she instructed Rappler.
Now, she’s getting into her fifth yr within the trade together with her head held excessive. She carries herself in another way this time — with the comfort of realizing who she actually is regardless of what these round her might say, and a brand new air of confidence she obtained from towering over all of the noise.
Silver linings
In relation to public notion, rappers are sometimes thought to have a gradual sense of self-assurance. A lot of them are seen as headstrong people who’re unfiltered, and are capable of simply tune out the hate they might get in return.
Illest is as outspoken as ever. It exhibits not simply in her autobiographical method to music, however within the views she expresses as a human being.
On the finish of the day, nevertheless, she is a human being earlier than anything.
“Lots of people suppose that I don’t get harm by the phrases they are saying kasi kita mo naman wala din silang preno magsalita sa akin eh. Feeling siguro nila hindi naman ako masasaktan or hindi ko naman mapapansin yun. However I internalized quite a lot of these phrases that they stated about me and that they stated to me. It took quite a lot of self-healing for me to get to the purpose the place I sort of obtained immune na nga sa mga sinsasabi nila,” she confessed.
(Lots of people suppose I don’t get harm by the phrases they are saying as a result of they don’t have any filter after they communicate to me. They in all probability suppose I received’t get harm or I received’t take note of what they are saying. However I internalized quite a lot of these phrases that they stated about me and that they stated to me. It took quite a lot of self-healing for me to get to the purpose the place I sort of turned proof against what they are saying.)
Now smart past her years, the Illest we see now was molded by numerous experiences that solely a girl in a largely male-dominated house might have.
There was a time when the Illest who was unafraid to pour out her deepest ideas for everybody else to see appeared to have faltered.
“In a while in my profession, once I reached some sort of traction, doon pumasok ‘yung stress (that’s when the stress got here in) and being afraid to talk out, and being afraid of detractors. [There was] this stress to look and appear good on a regular basis. That was one of many fears I developed as I went on within the trade,” she admitted.
For a yr, she had stopped releasing solo tracks, her public performances turned restricted, and her as soon as regular social media presence dwindled, too.
“I wasn’t posting that a lot on social media as a result of I gained weight. And being a feminine artist, a part of your foreign money is your appears. And it harm me as a result of that point I noticed that you simply guys had been sort of simply objectifying me. Are you guys actually listening to my songs? Do you guys actually like me for my expertise? Or is it simply because I seem like this? Is it as a result of I current myself this manner?” she defined.
It was then an uphill battle for Illest to return to phrases with loving herself it doesn’t matter what type she got here in — even when it meant having to combat laborious to persuade herself that she favored what she noticed every time she stood in entrance of the mirror.
“I’m nonetheless writing the identical songs, the identical message. What simply modified was how I seemed, and it harm me. It offended me. However once I look within the mirror now, I can say to myself, ‘I’m happy with you irrespective of the way you look. Together with your mattress hair, okahit kakagising mo lang or wala kang ligo (even in case you simply awoke or haven’t showered), I’m happy with myself it doesn’t matter what occurs.’”
It was powerful, and Illest would be the first to confess that. Nonetheless, just like the fighter she is, she discovered to make use of it to her benefit. As a substitute of retreating and boxing herself in, she stood firmly and peeled her masks off for good.
“I feel now, kaya lumalabas na lalo ‘yung character ko sa (the explanation why my character comes out extra on) social media and I’m being extra energetic, is as a result of I’ve sort of discovered that lesson and I gained this newfound confidence that I by no means would’ve discovered if I didn’t achieve weight or if I didn’t get these bashers on social media. It doesn’t matter what they are saying, or it doesn’t matter what I seem like, that is me. I’m a baddie,” she added.
Two sides to Illest
When she’s not on stage, Illest Morena is Angelica Layague. Angelica is quiet, enjoys her personal firm, and seems to be a bit extra reserved than the fierce performer that struts across the platform like she owns it.
“[There’s] this personal model of me the place I like journaling. I like scrapbooking. Individuals don’t know that about me as a result of they suppose that after they see me, I’m like a fighter. That’s what they see however they don’t know I like to do affirmations: ‘I’m stunning. I’m nice.’ And I like speaking to myself generally. They usually don’t see that. However once I go to TikTok, you guys see somewhat little bit of that model of myself. I’m sort of humorous and loopy.”
@illestmorena HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA ANO BA TO
However when it comes time to get behind the mic, Illest Morena goes by means of an entire transformation. As soon as she’s surrounded by a crowd ready to listen to her spit bars, she emanates a form of aura that may’t appear to be shaken. She attests that she will get all of it from her followers.
“Masaya ako kapag nakikita ko talaga ‘yung mga followers. Sila ‘yung nagbibigay sa akin nung additional extroverted model of myself kasi nga ‘di ba, medyo mahiyain ako in actual life, as Angelica, not as Illest Morena,” she instructed Rappler.
(I’m actually joyful once I see my followers. They create out the additional extroverted model of myself as a result of I’m fairly shy as Angelica, not as Illest Morena.)
“However once I see their faces, it makes me wanna present out and exhibit in order that they get their cash’s price after they pay for tickets.”
For 5 years and counting now, followers have come to like Illest’s signature taste R&B and hip-hop — catchy, and deeply rooted in what’s private to the artist. Her music has all the time been autobiographical, within the sense that it captures Illest in all her seasons, even those she’s lengthy outgrown.
The core of Illest’s artistry was what remained unchanged all these years. This time, although, her catalogue has taken on a brand new type, one which’s much more uncooked and susceptible.
And in doing that, Illest has no regrets.
“I’d somewhat have folks see me as I’m than see me as one thing I’m not, after which they anticipate one thing from that model of me or that masks that I’ve or put me on a pedestal. I don’t like that,” Illest instructed Rappler.
Fueled by delusion
In yr 5, Illest is on a roll. She’s extra grounded in her sense of self, and he or she’s attaining milestone after milestone besides.
The 24-year-old “femcee” already has an extended checklist of joint bangers to her identify (suppose “Lagabog” feat. Skusta Clee and “Quickie” feat. Hev Abi to call a couple of) — and he or she’s decided to maintain it coming.
She simply by no means would have thought her subsequent collaborator could be Apl.de.Ap, who not solely knew her by identify after they first met, however was properly conscious of Illest’s affect within the native music scene. When the Black Eyed Peas star reached out for a possible characteristic on an upcoming track, it was an on the spot “sure” for Illest.
“It felt like I needed to stay as much as the primary impression as a result of he stated he heard I used to be the most effective right here. I don’t need him to suppose in any other case,” Illest shared in a mixture of English and Filipino.
Then got here “Wind It,” a summery, reggaeton-inspired monitor that includes Apl.de.Ap, Fana, and Illest herself.
These alternatives don’t simply get handed to Illest, although. All of them come because of years of grit and — cliche because it sounds — unapologetic perception in your self.
Illest, then, has this to say: “Be very delusional together with your self-belief. And in addition, by no means let one mistake or a problem convey you down. As a result of it’s simply a part of studying, a part of rising, and a part of upgrading into this higher model of you.”
That’s Illest Morena for you. – Rappler.com
