DEAR ABBY: My late husband was in poor health for six years. He skilled some dementia. He wasn’t in a position to work, and our life collectively modified loads. I centered on supporting him via his decline till he ultimately ended his personal life.
After his dying, I found a number of secrets and techniques. He hadn’t been sincere about his medical situation, probably out of disgrace or as a result of he needed to guard us from the seriousness. There have been additionally secrets and techniques about his household he might have been ashamed about. He additionally modified his property plan with out telling me. These secrets and techniques and betrayals present he wasn’t fascinated by the impression of his dying upon me, and so they have made me query my beliefs about our marriage.
I do know his selections weren’t about my price — they had been about his worry, disgrace, sickness and preoccupation with different household points. However I can’t inform any of this to folks as a result of I wish to protect our grownup kids’s love and respect for his or her father. Additionally, I don’t wish to cope with different folks attempting to grasp this loopy scenario. This feels so unfair, and I could by no means be capable to belief once more. Do you’ve got any recommendation? — KEEPING SECRETS IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR KEEPING: Please settle for my sympathy for the lack of your husband. From what you’ve got written, it appears the issues in your marriage began with the household secrets and techniques along with your husband’s rising dementia. My recommendation is to place an finish to all of these secrets and techniques now. Telling your kids the reality shouldn’t make them lose respect for his or her late father. Whether or not the folks in whom you select to confide will perceive is irrelevant.
What’s most essential is that you just free your self from the jail of lies during which you end up and speak with a psychological well being skilled if it would show you how to higher perceive how you can transfer ahead.
DEAR ABBY: My household is American, via and thru. We had some European ancestors again within the Ellis Island days, however we’ve been right here for generations and determine solely loosely with our European heritage. That being stated, my husband and I had been discussing names for our future kids, and I discussed that I’d like to have a son named after my great-grandfather. His identify was Jacques, however it was all the time pronounced like “Jack.”
If I used the identify, I’d wish to spell it the identical approach to honor him, however I’d really feel bizarre saying it with a French accent once I don’t determine as French, nor do I’ve an accent. Is it OK to make use of the French spelling of a reputation after which pronounce it in an Americanized method? — PLANNING AHEAD IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR PLANNING: You’re the mum or dad, and you may name your son no matter you want. Jacques will probably be his formal identify should you select to apply it to his beginning certificates, however he can use “Jack” if he needs. When he begins faculty, don’t overlook to speak to his academics and the directors how his identify is pronounced.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
