DEAR ABBY: I’m a 38-year-old lady with a 21-year-old daughter, “Penny.” I acquired pregnant at 16 and was very a lot alone, with little assist from these round me. For a wide range of causes, I made a decision to not contain the daddy or his household. They knew I used to be pregnant however selected to stay uninvolved and haven’t helped in any means. I labored onerous to construct a life for Penny and myself, and I’ve remained single all this time. Her father has since handed away, however he had a number of different kids, and his dad and mom nonetheless stay in our similar small city.
I believed my secret (and proper to privateness) had been revered, however I not too long ago discovered that somebody advised Penny about her “different household” a number of years in the past. On my daughter’s twenty first birthday, her paternal grandma referred to as her and advised her she had a birthday present for her. This “birthday present” was a paternity check. Come to seek out out, Grandma is ill, and her different granddaughter was her major caregiver, however the younger lady has now moved throughout the nation. I believe Grandma needs Penny to imagine this position.
Penny is offended with me for not being sincere about her historical past and offended that her grandmother, who has identified about her for a few years, is selecting to acknowledge a relationship solely now. I’m livid that they’re placing my daughter on this state of affairs. Am I improper? How can I clean this over? — SECRET’S OUT IN COLORADO
DEAR SECRET’S OUT: Apologize to Penny for protecting the details about her father from her. Clarify that you just did it as a result of the story is ugly and also you hoped to spare her the ache you skilled as a young person. Since you stay in a small city, it was unrealistic to assume that this type of secret wouldn’t come to mild at some point. That Penny’s grandmother would introduce herself on this means was egocentric and merciless, and I hope your daughter won’t permit herself to grow to be ensnared.
DEAR ABBY: I’m in a number of on-line teams (similar to academia, work, and so on.) that insist on utilizing my full first title. They require my full first title for authorized causes and don’t supply an space to enter the title I really use. I do know many individuals have far worse issues, nevertheless it will get on my nerves that everybody I work together with calls me by a proper title I’ve by no means used.
Even once I signal my emails and texts with the right title (which is solely chopping six letters off the tip of the formal title), individuals nonetheless name me by my complete title. I’ve tried emailing, “You may simply name me XXX,” however it’s typically ignored. It actually will get beneath my pores and skin.
Is there a well mannered approach to appropriate them, or should I strive tougher to not care? I’ve thought of altering my title legally, however it’s much more hassle than it’s price. — MISNOMER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR MISNOMER: As a result of being referred to as by a reputation you don’t like bothers you to the extent that you’d write about it to me, my recommendation is to cease grinning and bearing it and make the time to have your title legally modified.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
