DEAR HARRIETTE: I carpool with my buddy to work. I choose her up daily as a result of she’s on the best way and doesn’t drive.
We’ve been late just a few instances, and our job has a protocol for lateness. My supervisor doesn’t preserve shut tabs on our crew’s timestamps, so she hardly realized once I was late.
My buddy’s supervisor, nonetheless, occurred to note her fourth tardy arrival and gave her a stern warning, per protocol. When she bought her warning, she requested her supervisor if she deliberate to warn me, too, as a result of we are available in collectively daily.
I discovered it distasteful. I defined that to her on our trip residence, however she thought it made sense that we each be on their radar since we’re each at all times late.
Since then, I made the choice to now not choose her up and to be on time each single day.
She barely speaks to me now. I don’t remorse the choice I made, however I do know she has a tricky transit commute.
Am I being too harsh? Ought to I let this situation get in the best way of our friendship?
— Company Carpool
DEAR CORPORATE CARPOOL: Your buddy tried to melt the blow for herself by deflecting to you. That was pointless and unkind. I perceive why you had been indignant, though it’s true that the 2 of you had been late.
Have been you typically late due to your buddy? You say that you simply aren’t late anymore now that you simply go alone. Are you extra conscientious now, or was she a drag on the commute?
In case you worth her friendship, you’ll be able to supply to talk to her to interrupt the ice about this subject.
Inform her how you’re feeling, however admit that you simply miss her friendship and likewise know that the commute is now laborious for her once more. Speak it out to see if you wish to share a trip sooner or later.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother and I had been raised in the identical family by the identical dad and mom, but as adults we now have two very totally different views of our father.
I see my dad as somebody who labored laborious, confirmed up within the methods he may and persistently supported us all through our lives. I’m deeply grateful for him and all the things he’s executed.
My brother, alternatively, appears to hold loads of resentment. Each time the topic of our dad comes up, he focuses on his shortcomings and disappointments, typically itemizing methods he feels let down or missed.
Listening to this has change into exhausting and painful for me. It seems like he’s erasing the great and ignoring the sacrifices our dad made, and I can’t assist however hear it as ungratefulness. On the identical time, I don’t need to dismiss my brother’s expertise or silence his reality simply because it differs from mine.
How do I respect his emotions with out sitting by what seems like fixed criticism of somebody I really like?
— Oh, Brother
DEAR OH, BROTHER: Inform your brother you might be sorry that his expertise together with your father was so dangerous. Remind him that yours was totally different and that it’s laborious so that you can hear his fixed assaults in your father.
In case your dad remains to be round, counsel that he converse to him immediately, however depart you out of it. He can also need to work with a therapist to cope with his emotions about your father.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their desires. You’ll be able to ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
