Within the mid to late ‘90s, only a few British solo recording artists skilled the brilliant lights and dizzying highs of planet pop fairly like Anthony Kavanagh — higher recognized merely as Kavana. With a string of chart hits, excursions alongside international icons, and a loyal fanbase, the Manchester native appeared to have all of it. However behind the polished picture was a much more advanced story — one among private struggles, resilience, and reinvention.
Now, in his candid new memoir Pop Scars, Kavana lifts the veil on each the music trade and his non-public life, sharing the hardships that formed him as profoundly because the triumphs. Sincere, uncooked, and infrequently stunning, the e-book lays naked each the glitter and the grit of life within the highlight.
“I actually need to make it clear to those who this e-book isn’t a pity social gathering, or a woe is me story of how laborious my life was once I was a popstar,” a cheery but candid Kavana tells me simply moments after wrapping up an look on Irish tv. “I personally assume the extra attention-grabbing chapters are those that delve into realities of coping with issues like habit, grief and loss. For me, these seasons of my life inform a much more necessary story than the anecdotes of me performing out on the BRITs or having some random encounter with a film star at a showbiz social gathering.”
“However I suppose that fascination all of us have with fame and celeb is what garners essentially the most consideration proper? And I get that, as a result of at any time when I’m studying a biography or autobiography, I need to know the entire scandal and gossip too (laughs).”
I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO GIVE…
“I first thought of writing a e-book years in the past, however due to who I used to be, and the way I used to be functioning at the moment, it was by no means going to occur.” Alluding to his effectively documented points with alcohol and habit, the ‘Funky Love’ singer continues: “All people’s relationship with mixing alcohol and creativity is totally different, however for me, writing and habit don’t go collectively! I can promise you, I’m on no account some form of modern-day Ernest Hemingway, who can extensively drink a couple of bottles of wine an evening, after which prove their greatest work… my preliminary efforts had been a catastrophe!”
After embracing sobriety in 2022, Kav says that while years of songwriting had taught him methods to seize emotion briefly bursts, crafting a full memoir required extra self-discipline, extra construction, and a special sort of artistic stamina. To assist channel his concepts and keep on observe, he enrolled on a writing course, giving himself each the steering and accountability he wanted. The expertise not solely sharpened his abilities, but in addition gave him the arrogance to sort out his story with readability and goal, turning scattered recollections right into a cohesive and compelling narrative.
“Pouring alcohol into my system for all of these years zapped me all of my creativity,” Kavana admits candidly. “And once I felt like I wasn’t capable of be artistic anymore, the subsequent two issues to vanish from my life had been my confidence and shallowness — and belief me, you want these traits and character traits if you wish to put your self on the market and do one thing within the public eye. So enrolling on the writing course felt like the precise factor to do as a result of one, it will assist me to rebuild my confidence, and two as a result of it meant I used to be going to be round different writers and creatives.”
“And it was enjoyable, we had an actual snort. There have been 12 different ladies on the course, and me — that complete situation may have turn out to be a e-book in itself, belief me (laughs). However in all seriousness, it was nice. My tutor was wonderful, she actually helped me to seek out my voice, and develop my writing fashion. Earlier than I met her, all I actually had had been these muddled recollections written up into little scenes. Below her steering I used to be capable of piece the whole lot collectively, and create extra of a imaginative and prescient for the way I needed the e-book to be.”
“I bear in mind saying to her someday: ‘I’m not well-known sufficient to put in writing a e-book, no person will purchase it.’ And that’s when she advised me that if I needed this venture to be extra than simply one other salacious celeb memoir, then I needed to lean into the kitchen-sink stuff, that means I ought to share extra of the tales and points that everybody can relate to. Whether or not that be speaking in regards to the relationship between me and my Mum, me exploring my sexuality, or these actual, darkish moments of being caught in habit.”
“That straightforward piece of recommendation helped me to see, and imagine, that I had a worthwhile story to inform.”
With a wealth of songwriting expertise underneath his belt, Kavana was no stranger to shaping phrases into extra highly effective and emotionally resonant prose. However entering into the world of e-book writing was a totally totally different artwork — one which demanded persistence, organisation, and a far deeper stage of storytelling than a three-minute pop track may ever enable. As an alternative of chasing hooks and melodies, he discovered himself piecing collectively long-form narratives, revisiting recollections, and sitting with feelings in a method that was each difficult and cathartic. The method wasn’t at all times simple, however it gave him a brand new artistic outlet — one which allowed him to replicate, heal, and share his story with an honesty that music alone may by no means totally seize.
“Once you’re writing a e-book, there’s clearly no music, no melody, and no instrumentation concerned, so that you’re relying purely on the facility of phrases to convey emotions and feelings to the reader,” a considerate Kavana explains. “Which means it’s a must to assume extra rigorously about the kind of language you utilize, and the way one thing reads aloud, reasonably than simply going with no matter rhymes or synchs to the beat of a backing observe.”
“Once you’re writing a track, you’re writing to extra of a method, so there are set parameters it’s a must to work to. However with a e-book, there aren’t any guidelines actually — you simply get right into a zone, and write till you run out of steam, or the subject material turns into too painful.”
Of the pangs of disappointment he felt trying again on sure eras of his life so far, Kav provides: “After all there are issues I want I hadn’t achieved, and conditions that I remorse. Sure relationships ended before I hoped, and a few profession stuff didn’t work out, so yeah, reliving these moments while writing the e-book was powerful, however truthfully, fretting over the previous, and worrying in regards to the future are two issues I’ve achieved all through my complete life, so in a method it was no totally different to how I’m each different day (laughs).”
“I carried a variety of guilt for a very long time, and due to that I’d usually downplay a variety of my achievements, I’ll maintain my arms up and say, that’s one thing I’m positively responsible of doing. However on the flip aspect of all of the disappointment, it was additionally good to replicate and look again on my popstar days — it jogged my memory that my story isn’t all doom and gloom.”
SOMEBODY SAID THAT I WOULD BE THE KID TO GO ALL THE WAY
Placing all of these misplaced selections, perceived failures, and disappointments to 1 aspect, it’s necessary to recollect Kavana not only for the private struggles, and battles with habit that marked sure durations of his life, however for the real expertise and success that first propelled him into the highlight. Within the Nineteen Nineties, he rose to fame along with his distinctive voice, magnetic charisma, and chart-topping hits that resonated with a large viewers, incomes him a spot in pop historical past. His artistry and talent to attach with listeners are legacies that deserve recognition past the difficulties he later confronted.
“I cherished being a popstar,” Kav says with out lacking a beat. “I got here on the scene proper when pop music was on the cusp of turning into large once more. You’d received Take That, the Spice Ladies, Boyzone, and the Backstreet Boys, all of those unbelievable acts dominating the charts, and taking up the world! It was an unbelievable time in British music, and I suppose, in my very own little method, I used to be part of it, and that feels good… pardon the pun.”
“I used to be on the BRITs in ’97 when Geri Halliwell wore that Union Jack gown! I toured with Boyzone, I dressed up as Clark Kent / Superman and carried out at The Smash Hits Ballot Winners Get together, I received a Smash Hits Award, I travelled the world, I met my idols — the checklist goes on! It was all a little bit of a whirlwind, however a very enjoyable one.”
Pausing for a second to replicate, Kavana concedes: “Do know what the issue with me is? I’m a realist. So I at all times need to be sincere and upfront about issues. So hear, yeah, after all of the popstar years had been enjoyable, however a lot of the music trade relies on bravado and picture, and a variety of what you see isn’t actual. What helped me to realised that? After I noticed that my Smash Hits Award was made out of tin reasonably than gold… gutted (laughs).”
Kavana Dwell at The Smash Hits Ballot Winners Get together 1997
As a society, we’re usually led to imagine that cash and fame are the last word cures for disappointment, ache, or insecurity — that success within the concentration is going to someway erase the struggles of on a regular basis life. However the reality is, wealth and recognition don’t at all times assure happiness or fulfilment. Most of the time, they will amplify current challenges, leaving individuals to confront the identical doubts and difficulties, just below a brighter, harsher mild.
“I assumed as soon as I’d gotten myself a supervisor, a file deal and a few good songs recorded, success would observe virtually immediately, after which I’d be happiest particular person on the planet,” Kavana muses. “However I wasn’t. Chances are you’ll effectively get swept up in the entire chaos and the relentless workload, however the points and issues you’ve gotten don’t simply go away as a result of a few strangers on the road know your title.”
“The late 90s had been advanced for me, there was so much occurring in my head. I used to be scuffling with my sexuality, and I used to be lonely… however how may I really feel something aside from utter pleasure as a result of my goals had been coming true? Feeling the rest would have simply made me an ungrateful brat proper? So I advised myself I needed to put my head down, get on with issues and suppress my feelings and anxieties as greatest I may.”
As he himself admits, music was Kavana’s saviour and lifeline — a sanctuary away from the chaos of fame and the interior struggles he was combating to beat. Within the noise of public consideration and the burden of non-public battles, it supplied him readability, escape, and a way of grounding.
“Music was my factor rising up, it offered me with an escape and it opened my eyes to an entire different world — one I needed to be part of, one I wanted to be part of it. I nonetheless can’t fairly imagine I discovered a method to make that occur…”
“I used to be prepared to stroll by way of a brick wall to make my dream turn out to be my actuality.”
YOU GOTTA REACH OUT FOR THE HIGHEST STAR
Regardless of having no trade connections or insider benefit, Kavana managed to carve out a spot for himself within the cutthroat world of pop purely by way of willpower, uncooked expertise, and an unshakable perception in his goals. Lengthy earlier than “manifesting” grew to become a buzzword, he was already dwelling it — visualising success, placing himself in the precise locations, and holding onto the knowledge that he was destined to be on stage. His rise was much less about privilege or luck, and extra about sheer willpower, proving that typically essentially the most highly effective software an artist can have, is the conviction that their imaginative and prescient will turn out to be actuality.
“I cringe even saying it, however perhaps I used to be ‘manifesting’ earlier than any of us actually knew that manifesting was a factor,” Kav laughs rolling his eyes. “Way back to I can bear in mind, I walked round telling everybody I used to be going to be a popstar! Perhaps I used to be delusional and overly cocky, however I used to be adamant that I used to be going to be managed by this one explicit man, and that someday I’d be on High of The Pops, and the quilt of Smash Hits, and… I don’t know the way, however all of these issues occurred. There have been some sliding doorways moments after all, and I positively labored laborious and hustled my method into a variety of rooms, however like I wrote within the e-book, regardless of the chances stacked towards me, I believed in myself, and I used to be prepared to stroll by way of a brick wall to make my dream my actuality.”
“As we’ve already mentioned, I had a superb time — the 90s had been a variety of enjoyable — however I quickly discovered that ‘popstar fame’ can typically be fleeting, and there’s no denying that after ‘Will You Wait For Me?’ received to quantity 29 within the charts in 1999, curiosity in me and my music began to dwindle — the telephone wasn’t ringing as a lot, my schedule was starting to decelerate, not one of the large TV exhibits or magazines appeared to need me anymore, and everybody round me felt to be pulling away. Ultimately I received dropped by my file label, and… that was it.”
“It’s a must to bear in mind, all I’d ever needed to be was a popstar! I didn’t have a plan B, or something to fall again on. So once I’ve received individuals telling me my dream was over, I used to be crushed. I do know there are far, far worse issues that may occur to an individual, however I’ll be sincere, at the moment it felt like my life was over.”
I GOT A ONE WAY TICKET OUT OF INNOCENCE
After parting methods with Virgin Data on the daybreak of the brand new millennium, Kavana may have simply adopted the acquainted route taken by a lot of his friends — popping up for the odd public look, attempting his luck at presenting, or venturing into musical theatre, earlier than finally fading into the huge pop abyss. However following the group was by no means Kav’s fashion. As an alternative, he doubled down, packed his baggage, and set his sights on Los Angeles with nothing however grit, expertise, and the audacity to chase larger goals. On reflection he now says the transfer was much less about escaping his previous, and extra about reclaiming his narrative reasonably than letting the trade dictate his destiny. And so, at simply 22, he charged in direction of his future with the identical spark that first made him a star.
“I wasn’t ready to let ‘failed popstar’ be my destiny, I simply wasn’t having it,” a defiant Kavana explains of his choice to up sticks and go away the UK. “I had aspirations and different goals I needed to fulfil. Okay, issues hadn’t labored out for me in Europe with the second album, however I used to be having fun with unbelievable success in Asia, notably with songs I’d written with American songwriters and producers, in order that gave me the arrogance to discover the potential of working with different musicians and creatives within the States.”
By his personal admission, relocating to LA additionally gave him the chance to expertise a totally totally different lifestyle, one far faraway from the UK pop scene. And so, away from the pressures of the music trade, he was capable of breathe, reset, and start to really discover himself, surrounded by new cultures and inventive power, affording him the liberty to develop each personally and artistically.
“I discovered peace in LA, and I loved having extra management over my life,” Kav smiles. “I moved into an unbelievable condominium, I started courting for the primary time after which discovered myself in a correct, loving relationship — it was like I used to be dwelling out my faculty or college years however in my 20’s, and it was fantastic.”
“There was a lot hope and optimism in these early days, I felt like I’d been given a second probability. In reality I bear in mind being on Sundown Boulevard someday, the solar was shining, and I simply appeared up on the sky and mentioned: ‘thanks God for my life’.”
With the fantastic thing about hindsight, we surprise how does Kav look again on that interval of his life now? “I name these my ‘halcyon days’ (laughs). I did some nice work out in America, and I used to be given some improbable alternatives. It was an excellent time in my life, I imply in direction of the tip issues had been a bit bleak, primarily as a result of I used to be starting to expire of cash and behaving in methods I shouldn’t… so when my visa was up for renewal I made a decision sufficient was sufficient, and it was time to return again residence.”
THIS WAS MY DREAM
With the discharge of Pop Scars, Anthony Kavana efficiently manages to free himself from the shackles of his previous.
By candid tales, uncooked recollections, and insightful reflections, he delivers a profoundly sincere memoir that refuses draw back from ache, but additionally celebrates the enjoyment, humour, and resilience which have outlined his story. It’s a robust reminder that the boy who as soon as appeared untouchable was, in reality, achingly human.
“I don’t need to sound corny, or for individuals to assume I’m simply reeling off a bunch of clichés for the sake of promoting a e-book, however I actually have learnt so much about myself all through this complete course of,” Kav says with a half smile, half grimace. “I’m far more resilient than I assumed, and I’ve found the significance of getting compassion, not only for others, however for myself too.”
Shifting the main focus away from himself, he provides: “However perhaps none of that is really about me. Perhaps that is extra about individuals realising that life is all about discovering silver linings, and believing that change is feasible, irrespective of how unhealthy issues get — you simply should have hope.”
Pop Scars: A memoir on fame, habit and the darkish aspect of 90s pop by Anthony Kavanagh, is out now, £22 (Blink Publishing), additionally accessible in eBook and Audio (learn by the creator).
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