Might I counsel a brand new entry within the Guinness World Information?
Most costly DUI conviction in historical past: Karen Learn, convicted in Dedham, MA, June 18, 2025.
Price: At the very least $3 million, most likely nearer to $5 million.
No surprise District Legal professional Michael “Meatball” Morrissey didn’t need to return her SUV again to Karen Learn. He blew perhaps $5 million in taxpayer cash attempting to border her, twice, and ultimately all he needed to present for his obsessive authorized stalking was a black Lexus, and 47 items of damaged tail mild from elements unknown.
The tab simply retains working larger and better. This week Boston 25 and the Herald obtained a brand new batch of payments from the second trial. It seems that Meatball squandered $599,735.45 on Aperture, a bunch of grifters who dealt with “accident reconstruction,” or ought to I say, “fantasy accident reconstruction.”
Aperture was to “accident reconstruction” what “fantasy soccer” is to actual NFL soccer.
Keep in mind, the Division of Justice employed an actual firm of legit specialists to determine whether or not Karen Learn’s now-liberated SUV actually struck her boyfriend, and the reply was a convincing no.
The feds supplied this incontrovertible proof to Meatball, nevertheless it didn’t match along with his plans for a necktie social gathering for “the lady.”
So he employed Aperture, with the redneck knowledgeable who’d been attempting to get his bachelor’s diploma for 17 years and didn’t know the distinction between “bytes” and “bits.” One other of the “specialists” was flown in from California – top quality!
And did you discover Aperture saved its invoice just below $600,000 – like that in some way makes it higher. They’re what they name too cute by half.
Meatball nonetheless received’t give Karen Learn a few of her cell telephones again. In response to Steve Boozang, her new native lawyer, one in all Meatball’s “particular” prosecutors, Robert “Triple Dip” Cosgrove, continues to be attempting to convict her for witness intimidation or one thing.
Triple Dip is already pocketing two state pensions value a complete of $203,000 a yr, plus no matter he’s getting for Meatball’s persevering with quest to get Karen Learn on one thing, something.
How obsessed was Meatball? In response to the information, he spent one other $17,000 for transcriptions of broadcast information in regards to the trial. He ought to have realized, whenever you’re attempting to railroad an harmless individual, no information is nice information.
Then there was Hexordia, the agency accountable for digital forensics, or ought to I say, “fantasy digital forensics.” They obtained just below $45,000. I feel these have been the buffoons who mentioned pay no consideration to the truth that one of many McAlberts googled “Hos (sic) lengthy to die in chilly” at 2:27 a.m., hours earlier than John O’Keefe’s physique was discovered within the snow.
There have been stories that that loopy lady “knowledgeable” charged $393 an hour, which appears steep certainly. However she advised Meatball’s minions she’d say no matter needed to be mentioned, to which he reportedly texted again:
“HIRE HER IMMEDIATELY!”
Don’t overlook Hammered Hank Brennan, one other one of many “particular prosecutors.” Meatball employed him final yr and it was introduced that his pay was capped at $75,000.
Last invoice: $566,000.
These are simply the direct prices. What about all of the ancillary instances, together with Turtleboy and, lest we overlook, the Rubber Ducky investigations? And the court docket prices, and the cops across the courthouse.
There have been three police departments in Norfolk County concerned within the case-related rubber ducky capers – the Mass State Police in addition to the Canton and Stoughton PDs. 5 search warrants, by Canton alone, two readings of Miranda rights, the Keystone Kops attempting to extract information from yet one more SUV, this one in Stoughton….
How about all the extra prices of litigating the proof assortment in no less than 5 different homicide instances in Norfolk County, together with the grisly Brian Walshe wife-dismemberment, as a result of something Michael Proctor touched is now past tainted?
The tab retains working.
That is all on Meatball Morrissey. I checked his political account on the Workplace of Marketing campaign and Political Finance (OCPF) web site yesterday, and his stability is at the moment $420,912.71. He used to have a birthday fundraiser each August (he’s 71 and doesn’t look a day over 101) however not this yr.
Within the final 11 months, Meatball has taken in precisely one contribution — $200, final February, from an historical lobbyist, fellow State Home hack of Meatball’s who was as soon as employed by a corrupt ex-Home speaker named Felon Finneran.
After an uninterrupted lifetime of slurping on the trough, definitely it is going to be tough for Meatball to surrender his $223,442-a-year handout. Nevertheless it appears like he’s all accomplished. Granted, his most seen opponent has just below $40,000 in her marketing campaign kitty, however Meatball is down within the mid-single digits by way of favorability and it’s as unlikely that he can regain his recognition as it might be for him to lose 200 kilos.
Meatball, why not exit on a excessive be aware and donate your $420,000 to the taxpayers of Norfolk County who you might have robbed blind in your two failed makes an attempt to lynch Karen Learn?
For as soon as in your tawdry, overweight life, do the appropriate factor. Make any excuse you need for calling it quits. You don’t must go away mad, simply go away.
Exit on a excessive be aware. Intensify the constructive. Hey, Karen Learn’s lastly obtained her automobile again. All’s proper on the earth.
And look on the intense facet, Meatball – you’ll all the time have a particular place in Guinness World Information.
Most Costly Drunk Driving Conviction in Historical past.
Employees Picture Chris Christo/Boston Herald
Norfolk County District Legal professional Michael W. Morrissey. (Chris Christo/Boston Herald)
