DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been on a highway journey, pit-stopping in a few cities. One in every of my girlfriends requested if we might meet her for lunch, and we obliged.
When the invoice got here, my husband paid for himself and me and left the rest of the tab for my girlfriend to pay. She appeared stunned. We had by no means stated out loud how we’d deal with the invoice, however frankly I used to be a bit stunned, too. The place wasn’t overly costly, so I assumed my husband would simply pay for every little thing.
Later, after I referred to as my girlfriend to let her know we had arrived at our subsequent metropolis, we bought into an argument as a result of she thought it was frequent courtesy that my husband ought to have paid the complete invoice.
Whereas I share that line of thought, I don’t suppose it’s her place to have opinions about what my husband ought to or mustn’t do. That looks like entitlement.
Now, I’m not clear on easy methods to correctly tackle this with my buddy or my husband. Any recommendation?
— Cut up the Invoice
DEAR SPLIT THE BILL: You say your buddy requested you to satisfy her for lunch. If that’s the case, she mustn’t count on you to pay her invoice.
The old style pondering is that the person ought to pay for an unaccompanied girl becoming a member of a pair for a meal, however that is 2026. She doesn’t have the fitting to be indignant.
Inform her you’re sorry her emotions have been damage, however there mustn’t have been an automated assumption that you’d foot the invoice when she invited you to lunch. In truth, fashionable etiquette dictates that the one who invitations is the one who ought to pay.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My buddy and I’ve been speaking for a month now about reserving a summer season trip collectively to Greece. I not too long ago introduced it up once more, and she or he stated that she will’t go anymore as a result of she booked a unique trip with a unique buddy.
She didn’t point out it beforehand or discuss to me about presumably altering plans. She simply stated it was cheaper and simpler to coordinate.
I used to be caught off guard. Technically we hadn’t booked something but, however we had been speaking about this for weeks, and it felt like an unstated dedication. What damage most was feeling like I used to be simply changed.
Now I’m questioning whether or not she ever even needed to go on a trip with me in any respect or if she was simply mendacity to me this complete time.
I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my emotions are legitimate. Ought to I inform her that this damage me or simply let it go since nothing was formally booked? How do I transfer ahead with out feeling like I’m all the time the backup plan buddy?
— Dumped
DEAR DUMPED: You’ve each proper to really feel upset about this. Your buddy has the fitting to vary her thoughts as nicely, however she ought to have been upfront with you.
It does seem to be your buddy considered you because the backup plan and handled you as disposable when one thing higher got here alongside. Both method, that isn’t the signal of a buddy who prioritizes you or has your again.
At this level, you’ll be able to inform her that you don’t admire being discarded like that with out even the respect to inform you she was contemplating different choices. You also needs to preserve this incident in thoughts the subsequent time she begins making large plans of any form.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their desires. You’ll be able to ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
